事業vs全職媽媽

上星期五老板來了探望我和小小雲，他順便跟我討論今年的工作評估。他對我的工作表現相當滿意，而公司已經批准了下年度的薪酬了。我將會由Loan Assistant一職晉升到Credit Analyst，新職位有權享有額外年尾獎金，總加幅有12.5%。我的入職薪金不是太高，所以其實真正入袋的不是太多。不過以現在的經濟環境，沒有裁員或減薪已經要慶祝了。

當初想有了小小雲後會暫時留在家中做個全職媽媽，但現在發覺上班比做全職媽媽來得更輕鬆容易。我從來也不是一個追求事業上有突破的人，只想安安定定朝九晚五，準時出糧，我便心滿意足。為了減小一些罪咎感去逃避全時間照顧小小雲，我為自己想出各種各樣的原因為何不應放棄這份工作。

心裡還是十五十六，如果挑選上班又要為誰來照顧小小雲而煩惱。我的產假可以延長到二月中，還是暫時不去想它吧！我已將這件事放進禱告中，讓神來為我們想出最佳的決定。

人蠢無藥醫

一本可以做健身嘅書，足足五六磅。
M: 我開始做功課啦！
O: 哦！你做先啦！我之後再同你Check啦！
M: 我有問題呀！
O: Algebra你都唔掂？ A=L+OE ，咁OE咪=A-L囉!
M: ...

當做左成個鐘頭後，我發現阿Sir規定要用會計columnar paper或者typed on 8.5 by 11 inch paper。吓！咁咪要由頭做過？
M: 我點用電腦打呀？要畫好多Chart架喎！
O: 哦！咁去買columnar paper囉！
M: 哎呀！咁煩，咁多要求架！

終於加加埋埋用左成四個幾鐘，真係四個幾鐘，終於做完啦！條頸又痛，眼又睏，手指重寫到起左個小枕忝！真係無誇張架！
M: 我要瞓啦！超級睏呀！
O: 好啦！我而架開始讀吓本書啦！

第二嘲早...
O: 我睇完第一課，我會用Excel做功課。
M: Excel? 點解你唔話比我知可以用Excel做呀！
O: 我噙晚睇完D題目先覺得用Excel做可以快好多喎！
M: 有冇攪錯呀！你明明見到我畫晒表，我重問你點用電腦做，你做乜之前唔提我可以用Excel先得架？
O: 我之前冇睇到D題目丫嗎？
M: 你點會冇睇呀！妖! 如果用Excel，我就可以copy & paste, set晒formula啦！
O: 哈哈！或者我用Excel做重耐呢！
M: 我唔覺得好笑喎！@$#%$&(*^&%^%$%#&^^(@&(&**!

我而架一路寫Blog，半個鐘佢已經做左三份一啦！
激死我啦！

返學之遊雲

望吓個鐘，望吓達地，間中望吓阿Sir，又望吓Owen，再望吓自己對鞋。試聽聽阿Sir講緊乜，試吓理解，但係已經有D迷失。再用心D，原來佢講緊做CPA嘅親身經歷，心諗，佢做CPA關我咩事！留心左一陣，個腦就開始諗weekend做乜好。當我重複三百次之後，吓！先至過左大半個鐘？
阿Sir終於入正題...debit, credit, cash, expense, 眼前越來越多問號。望望Owen，佢叫我返屋企自己睇書喎，唔識佢再教我喎！有無咁勁呀，一聽就明？不過有高級伴讀書僮助教都無咁驚。
下星期就開始有功課啦！哎呀！上進呀！發奮呀！

新仔上場

已經返咗兩日工啦！一切都算順利啦！負責教我嗰兩位同事Dennis & Donald都好nice。哩份工係做commerical business loan，而以前就係做mortgage。雖然都係借貸，但係有好多關於finance & accounting嘅terms and concepts我完全一頭霧水。好睬兩位同事都好有心機咁詳細解釋。唉！慢慢嚟啦！將勤補拙，我已經報咗一月尾開始嘅accounting 1A啦！希望應付得嚟啦！

其實最唔習慣係哩個"非常正常"9:00至6:00嘅office hour。可能我比我以前老板太spoiled啦！返10:00放4:00經常發生都不在話吓，用唔盡嘅假期先係無得頂丫嗎！以前風光舒適嘅日子都唔好再諗啦！總之忘記背後，努力面前。難得新老板比機會我哩個新仔，我要努力向上，不負諸君寄望啦！

升中

明天是上新工的第一天，心裡有點緊張。在過去的五年間都是跟同一班同事工作，對人事上和公司運作已經瞭若指掌。現在要從頭適應新公司，新環境和面對陌生的人事，就難免有點忐忑不安。感覺就像小六升上中一一樣，由全校學生中最大最有知識的變成最小最無知的，感覺真的很怪，而且有點旁惶。

再見CKF

一間變得空空如也的辦公室。

今天是我在CKF工作的最後一天。在這裡工作了兩年多，老板跟某些同事更加是相處了五年多。我們一起經歷過的實在太多太多了。當中發生過生離死別，案件訴訟，升責加薪，裁員解雇，生命誕生，婚姻喜宴...等等。大部份在人生中會遇上的盛衰浮沈，我們都一起經歷過。我們不單是一起工作的同事，我們也真的像兄弟姊妹一樣。在悲傷時互相鼓勵，在快樂時一起慶祝。現在要跟他們一一說再見了，心裡真的不好受。以後我們將有自己新的工作崗位，繼續人生的另一頁。

終極決擇

跟Owen商量後，他也贊成我到銀行上班。他說我要向遠看，挑戰自己。哇！我突然好像充滿力量一樣。知道放假回來，有一個工作上的新開始，我現在放下心頭大石，也很期待這天來臨。這樣我可以在假期中無牽無掛，盡情玩樂了！

我感謝我的朋友們，願意細心聆聽和給我寶貴意見。最重要的是感謝神，為我預備，幫助我選擇了一份最適合的工作。

魚與熊掌

我成功獲得之前提到的銀行職位了！ 現在我有兩份難以抉擇的工作。

Mortgage/RE Broker
Private/small firm
Fremont*
5 miles away from home*
10 minutes local*
No benefit
No 401k
Old/small office
Colleagues age group 35+
Exempt salary + “commission per closing”**
No potential/advancement

Bank – Commercial Lending
Publicly trade bank*
Santa Clara
20 miles away from home
45-60 minutes traffic
Medical/dental/vision benefit*
401k*
New/big office*
Colleagues age group 25+*
Non-exempt salary
Full of potential/advancement*

一方面我想建立一份專業，雄心壯志；令一方面又只想擁有賺錢買花帶的工作，無優無慮。我有那份烈火雄心嗎？我準備好學習的心情嗎？魚與熊掌不可兼得...怎麼辨呢？

書到用時方恨小

在星期二我到了一間銀行面試。在面試期間我談吐對答恰度好處，但我的弱點是缺忽accounting & finance background。我對這份工作也頗感興趣，我想真的是書到用時方恨小吧了！可是只要他們願意培訓，我也有信心可以升任。

出人意外地，昨天他們邀請我到第二次面試，我再次表現出我正確的工作態度加上對工作的熱誠，我的personality一定給他們留下一個好印象。會否獲得這機會，是否personality勝於experience，下星期就會揭曉。

禱告是我在面試前的強心針與震靜劑。感謝神，給我信心和聰明智慧去應付每一次面試，成功與否，我相信祂已為我安排預備。

視線轉移大法

I went for a job interview yesterday afternoon. This is the worst interview I have ever been to. The manager was ok, but the boss had such a bad attitude. He thinks he's the KING because he is boss. First of all, he didn't even review my resume prior to the interview. He asked a question, but he would cut me off and he would talk about something else when I tried to answer. He kept telling me how successful he is and so many people apply for the job and want to work for him. Just unbelievable! He is so rude and disrespectful. I wanted to walk out on him so bad.

In addition, he kept grubbing his face during the interview and his face was turning red in different spots, I tried to use "視線轉移大法" and focus on different part of his head... gosh! I tried so hard to look straight into his eyes the whole time...

The interview took almost 1.5 hours, I was glad that's over.

Just A Minimum Respect

Our business partners have made a decision NOT to terminate an important project about a month ago. I did not agree to it, but I got voted off. However, we have agreed to revisit the same issue in the next three months. I wanted to give up so bad along the line, but I told myself to stick to my words. I tried my best to continue even when I noticed some others have withdrawn from more & more of the responsibilities in the project. I've been telling myself that the deadline is only till the end of December, I should give it all to make it happen. Unfortunately, I found out a news that I don't want to hear today. In fact, I found out from an "outsider" that some individuals have indirectly terminated the project on their own. THEY BROKE THEIR PROMISE. I don't understand why... WHY? I had no problem to terminate the project when I was actually the first one to bring it up. Perhaps, pay me just the minimum respect to notify me! Why do I have to find out from someone else? I was very disappointed and I felt I got betrayed AGAIN...why am I so dumb?

惡夢...比我醒啦!

Beginning couple weeks ago, I've rec'd so many emails from lenders stating guideline changes per day. I got so overwhelmed and can't really catch up with the updates. I just rec'd this notice this afternoon, it made me laugh finally @ the office for a while.
"Very important - Guideline changes effective 8/8/07
-All borrowers must have one blue eye and one brown eye to qualify.
-LTV>65% SIVA requires min credit score of 849.
-For all LTV>65%, 360 months of payment reserves now required.
-Borrowers must have no previous bankruptcies in their family history going back three generations.
-A min of 25 yrs self-employment history now required for all NIV Programs (at same location).
-Min credit score for subprime loans raised to 720.
-All non-arm's length transaction borrowers (mtg, RE prof., family members) will be required to provide full documentation, subject to criminal background checks, wire tapping, strip-searches , and a min of 12 hrs of interrogation by the Dept of Homeland Security.
Please note that these changes will go into effect in the next five minutes. So please lock you existing loan immediately. All existing loans in your pipeline must fund by noon tomorrow."
It is a joke and it made us laugh, but the real market changes is asking conditions as unreasonable as this. Unfortunately...that is NOT a JOKE!

The storm is not going away anytime soon!

Since the end of 2006, so many people in the lending industry have gone out of business. Even the corporations like New Century, Fremont Investment, Own It, People's Choice, and most recent American Broker Conduit have closed their door. The atmosphere in the industry is pretty dead. Value is dropping, lenders tighten up guidelines, and investors pull out their funds. Subprime lending is over in these days. It's been a dramatic week in the industry this week. Many lenders are removing the Alt-A products as well and the remaining players have made significant rate increases.
Meetings after meetings, we came up with different strategies and marketing plans. I hate to give up and dissolve what we have built in the last couple years. Yet, all the experts are predicting this period will last at least 18 months. I know we should think positive, but we also need to be realistic. In this market, I can't help not to be in fear and panic if I can sustain.

Kick off meeting

Everything has finalized at today's kick off meeting with the banker. I was @ the headquarter again together with part of my team this time. Everyone has been introduced to the new operation systems, intranet and pricing engine, yet maybe only one or two showed their dedication. The rest...I have no idea. I know my people may get spoiled from the past. They never had to worry about how the whole process being done from the beginning to the end. Maybe this is a good time to get them involved.
Just so frustrated when they didn't even try to absorb the material seriously but just joked around. It's been almost five years, I never ever had any problem about how much I have to do, because I used to love my job, I really love going to work, seeing the people @ work. I notice my attitude toward my job has changed over time. In the last year, the industry slowed down...I lost my best buddy from the company...learned people called us friends cuz they want to use us...realized how much risk and liability we are taking up in this business... it's just so tiring.
I gotta go back! I need to be the happy Maggie @ work, so I can enjoy the days. I pray to God for wisdom and peace in me.

Changes @ work

Our company has come to a decision to merge with a bigger lending banker. The implementation should be done by next Tuesday. It is like a new start for our company with more securities. This banker will provide us with more lending options and now we can lend in over 48 states. I just attended the training for their operations system and met their staffs at the headquarter yesterday. This new system is more efficient and functional, yet I need time to get familiar with it.
I got overwhelmed from all the new materials and stressed out with the upcoming dumps and obstacles during the transition. I guess no one likes changes, yet time will help us surf through the uneasiness. Maybe I just worried too much, just one step after another…as long as we produce; everything is well-worth it. Money is the only drive in the business world after all.

哎!

最近工作壓力很大, 總有開不完的會. 當一個掙扎了很久的問題到差不多解決的時候, 另外一個難題總是接種而來. 感覺四面受敵, 喘不過氣. 好辛苦呀!